A God Who Listens

     I am learning so much every day. I am continuing on my very own path towards the light. 

     I have had a few financially and emotionally draining trials lately and I think I am starting to understand the lesson God wants me to learn. I am slowly getting rid of my pride. I am recognizing that I can only turn heavenward. I am realizing that I can trust God more fully.

     Last Sunday was a fast and testimony meeting. I cried in front of a hundred or so 20 something year old's. Most awful experience ever. I'm probably over-exaggerating due to lack of food but whatever. Haha.

     Saturday night, after picking my car up for the 5th (or is it 6th?) time from my mechanic, it broke. Again. 

     And I broke, too. 

     I cried. A lot. Mostly to God. I walked inside my house and prayed. As I was asking Him to open lines of communication and to gain some kind of spirit cell phone to communicate with me, that very same second, one of my roommates' cell phones began to ring. Crazy, right? 

     Anyway, I felt blessed. I think that because of where I came from, it's been hard to trust people in general and when I do (as anyone else) it takes time to build. I am sometimes frustrated with my lack of trust toward God and that I continue to make Him work for it and build it up. 

     But that doesn't stop Him from doing it. 

     I have been looking at life a layer deeper lately. I am no philosopher but I am definitely seeing what more I can do to prepare, learn from and apply the various lessons, experiences and trials I am experiencing. 

     Consider Isaac for a moment. Abraham's son who is supposed to be sacrificed on the alter. This guy is 38 years old, has a 137 year old father, and is asked to hike a mountain to offer sacrifices for God (back in the time of Moses' law). At the top, his dad turns to him and informs him that HE is the sacrifice.  

     What does he do? Run? Get angry? Say "I love you, Dad but I can't do this"?? 

     No. He hands him rope from the bundle of wood they carried up and instructs his father to bind him just in case he changes his mind half way through. 

     That requires faith if I have ever seen it.  I am blown away by this scriptural story. God blesses them both for their faith and tells Abraham to not sacrifice Isaac. 

     Now comes the application. What things go on in my life that I really don't want to do? How many sacrifices do I make through faith? Are they really sacrifices? What instances have I followed God's will and have been blessed? 

     I think of many occasions filled with blessings from sacrifices. I think of more occasions when I was thinking "I love you, Dad but I can't do this." I feel like I need to work towards being more open to the things God asks me to do. 

     I recognize now that they aren't sacrifices but opportunities to grow. And maybe my perspective is off 98% of the time. Who knows. But I am learning. 

     So the journey continues. And maybe I'm going to have less "I love you, Dad but I can't do this" moments and more moments saying, "I love you, Dad and I can do this because of the strength I find in you."